i hate Chinese New Year.

its one of those times of year where all else is pointless after getting the angpow from the elders. then you just sit, zoned out infront of the tv at your grandparents with cousins you don't know or care to get to know, watching whatever's on, even if it's in the middle of an annoying taiwan reality show.

whats worse, you go into every freaking store and they're playing the same freaking cny song which flows right into the next without even a slight change of beat. [gong xi gong xi gong xi SHIT ah] so when usually i'd take ages in places like shop'n'save or carrefour picking out junk food and coffee, u'd see Len and i zip in there, and outta there asap, cursing at the damned song which would be stuck in our heads for the rest of the day after that.

alright being fair, i don't think what i'm actually feeling is hatred for the occasion, but rather the associations this particular holiday has for me. the visiting the grandparents and vegging out infront of their tv. i love the grandfolks, they're really really sweet, and definitely do not deserve the pathetic excuses of sons they so unfortunately have. besides my dad and another uncle, of course. typical chinese/teochew family, my dad and his siblings just go over to my granddad's place more out of habit and respect than actually the want to see each other again. nobody talks to each other much, besides the ladies, and the only person who talks to THEM is my mom, who isn't even from the family.

even the cousins don't care about each other. i doubt they know my name even... which doesn't really matter to me.

its so weird. i adore my mom's side to bits, everyone's so warm and friendly and welcoming and we actually TALK, and joke and CARE about each other... so much so that sometimes it becomes hard to part at the end of the day. makes me wonder, what turns families against each other, what happens to create such animosity and even hatred, where the possibility for a perfectly happy and healthy family enviroment so obviously exists too? and even scarier: when i become a grandparent, which one is my own family gonna turn out to be? is it just circumstances which drive families apart, or just a matter of putting in effort?

sigh. i hate cny. and to add icing to the cake, all that bbq-ed pork doesn't exactly help the waistline.