happy chinese new year everyone :)

yeah for those who know me know i really don't like chinese new year... well, actually it isn't really fair to say that because i only don't like perhaps 3hours or so of chinese new year [during which it feels more like 3 centuries than 3 hours]. yes. the grandparents place. same old same old, cousins who sit around not knowing each other's names watching anything thats on tv, trying to ignore the yelling that goes on less than 1 metre away. oh well, not like i understand teochew anyways. but for those who've read Philip K. Dick's Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? : KIPPLE DOES EXIST!! my grandparents place is the only place i can say i've seen kipple, and every year when we visit, the kipple just seems to grow. [kipple: random clutter that has a life of its own, it grows unnoticed, but will one day take over the world]

my grandparents are really the victims in all of this. and its really depressing watching two people growing so old and getting more and more helpless staying in an unhappy home, not finding the peace of mind they should be granted with, getting increasingly angry with the world for reasons i'm sure they don't even remember.

and in all this mess i see my mother's true strength. where my father for once, is unravelling at the seams, too hurt to be a tyrant, too sad to reconcile the family, the helpless oldest son, my mother is there, somehow always above all the angry words, none of which seem to even scratch at the bubble of peace securing in her grace. and i see her almost floating, a source of comfort going from one painfully upset person to the next, dishing out gentleness and love in abundance. and its amazing because she was shunned all those years ago, for wanting to join the family, a poor eurasian girl wanting to marry into a strict teochew family, that was ruled with an iron fist. even though i couldn't understand anything, it was such a comfort to hear my mother's gentle voice just talking to everyone after all the cutting words have been exchanged and everyone is just sitting around too pained to say any more. and she must be a genius and a half to come over to where the cousins were seated and tell us [in english] that it's all alright, and we didn't need to worry or feel upset. and here we all thought we had mastered looking nonchalant.

truly, the salt and light of the earth.

hmm. i had wanted to talk about my wonderful [mum's side of the] family after i'd been to the grandparents' place, but i guess i got too carried away. and this post is getting kinda long already, so. all i can say is that when i grow up, i wanna be just half the woman mummy is.... or am i setting the bar too high for myself?