finally the last of all the parties are over.
and the start of school is here.

usually i dread school starting especially when the holidays were only a measely 5weeks, but i guess this time around what with all the meeting up with people you hardly know and making small talk again (ugh) i'm quite glad to return to something of a routine, and meeting people whom i really really wanna see. i guess what i'm craving is a little familiarity, and a lot of solitude, which is exactly what NUS provides in abundance.

its puzzling. i know i enjoy my "me" time, but normally i love meeting up with all my old friends again, so why is it that this time, the more i spend time with a great crowd of people, the less happy i am? i AM happy to see them genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, and yet, after leaving them i'm more depressed than i started out. it all kept building, this boggling thought, i actually thought i was going mad, being both happy and depressed at the same time, until this afternoon at church i realised exactly what it was.

i missed my 'me' time. i missed just being by myself, with my own thoughts, thinking about life and all it had to offer, all i had to give it. i realised i hadn't heard myself think in a long time, and what's worse, i hadn't spoken to God in a long time without being distracted by other thoughts. i don't mean to sound all holy-moly here, but its just these few things that keep me sane.

i suppose it all boils down to balance. too much of being busy, hopping from one party to another, meeting up with all the different groups of friends all at once, i kinda lose myself. and yet i'm sure everyone understands that too much time on your own you start getting lonely, that the world consists of only individual people, interacting on the surface, and that nobody really understands.

i think i've been lucky to have a great balance so far. Lenny and the group of people i have in school just know how to provide the stability that i so treasure in my life, and yet i still have people outside school that i love just as much, but don't meet so often, who remind me of my life gone by, the good times and bad, and show me just how precious friends are.

unfortunately the most precious friend i have, my one and only and everlasting bestest friend in the world is leaving to go back to perth. i'm so glad to have her, we've gone thru so much together, and she knows me inside out. most of all, i'm glad that thru time and distance, we still remain bestfriends. that things aren't awkward even though we aren't even in the same country and don't see each other in months.

thanks for being you babette, will miss you, and will be yer anklet mate always. :)