I've had to justify myself to a few people lately, so I might as well write a post on it.
I don't know exactly what's changed, but since I quit Lighthouse I've realised my motto in life is "say 'yes' first, think later".
Want to freelance and give up a steady income? Yes.
Want to edit a magazine about horses, something you know absolutely nothing about? Yes.
Want to go to the gym? Yes.
Want to have another pint? Yes please.
Want to try hot yoga even though you're unhealthy as hell and the heat might kill you? Yes.
Want to go on a holiday? Yes.
Want to go on a holiday where you climb atop a death trap and whiz through an impoverished country, then sit in an inner tube and ride down a famous river? Hell yes.
Want to dive to the depths of the ocean where there is no air even though you're prone to freaking out? Sure. Why not.
Of course I would say no to some things. Like bungee jumping or skydiving. I want to experience things, not have my heart stop even before I've done anything. Of course, I've said yes to some things I probably should have said no to. But that's life.
I guess it was Lighthouse that made me realise there's more to life than working 15 hour days just to give birth to a magazine month after month; going on leave very rarely and even then, sending out newsletters and writing stories; or getting so stressed and upset with work that I stop seeing friends, family, and mess up my body by eating horribly and not sleeping. My life was one big deadline, and I didn't know how to strike a balance. That was my fault.
Sure my Lighthouse experience is invaluable. I enjoyed (most of) it and would like to one day return to the fast-paced, pressure-cooker environment, but for now, I like my life. I'm done being so focused on work and have life pass my youth by. For now, anyway.
Some people I know have looked at what I've done this year with what feels like... negativity. It's sometimes in their tone of voice when they say "wah... who are you and what have you done to angel, man?" or when they say "the princess getting sweaty and muddy? That's a first!" Or sometimes they'll just say "huh sure or not? Who are you trying to impress?"
Me, that's who. I get happy and proud of myself when I do things I've never done before, or when I see things I've never seen in my life. These things that I've done lately? They aren't even huge or milestone-y. They're things countless other people have done in their lives. In my mind I've never really lived. I've always taken the sheltered route, always too cautious. I want to change that now, if that's okay with you.
I'm not sure if people are negative because they're angry, or jealous, or what. I can't think of a reason why someone would not encourage somebody else to grow or try something new. I'm choosing to focus on the positive things some other people are saying instead, including how they're really happy for me that I'm finally doing things that I want to do, instead of doing things that everyone around me wants to do. They tell me I seem happier, more sure of myself. They may be right.
A couple of people have asked me what I thought about a new thing they're going to try, or a new place they're going to see, or a new adventure they're going to embark on while seeing said new place. I've always said "yes, do it", as long as their lives aren't in danger. These people, they're like me. We've done the "right" thing, by Singaporean standards. We've gone to school, got good grades, went to JC, then university, then we've landed jobs and given money back to our parents. That's the way we were taught, and that's the way we lived. A lot of us now are itching to do something more, expand our horizons a little bit.
That's great. Do it. Ignore the naysayers: if they're really your friends, they'll encourage you to grow. Say yes, think later. Then tell me how it goes.
/end rant
I don't know exactly what's changed, but since I quit Lighthouse I've realised my motto in life is "say 'yes' first, think later".
Want to freelance and give up a steady income? Yes.
Want to edit a magazine about horses, something you know absolutely nothing about? Yes.
Want to go to the gym? Yes.
Want to have another pint? Yes please.
Want to try hot yoga even though you're unhealthy as hell and the heat might kill you? Yes.
Want to go on a holiday? Yes.
Want to go on a holiday where you climb atop a death trap and whiz through an impoverished country, then sit in an inner tube and ride down a famous river? Hell yes.
Want to dive to the depths of the ocean where there is no air even though you're prone to freaking out? Sure. Why not.
Of course I would say no to some things. Like bungee jumping or skydiving. I want to experience things, not have my heart stop even before I've done anything. Of course, I've said yes to some things I probably should have said no to. But that's life.
I guess it was Lighthouse that made me realise there's more to life than working 15 hour days just to give birth to a magazine month after month; going on leave very rarely and even then, sending out newsletters and writing stories; or getting so stressed and upset with work that I stop seeing friends, family, and mess up my body by eating horribly and not sleeping. My life was one big deadline, and I didn't know how to strike a balance. That was my fault.
Sure my Lighthouse experience is invaluable. I enjoyed (most of) it and would like to one day return to the fast-paced, pressure-cooker environment, but for now, I like my life. I'm done being so focused on work and have life pass my youth by. For now, anyway.
Some people I know have looked at what I've done this year with what feels like... negativity. It's sometimes in their tone of voice when they say "wah... who are you and what have you done to angel, man?" or when they say "the princess getting sweaty and muddy? That's a first!" Or sometimes they'll just say "huh sure or not? Who are you trying to impress?"
Me, that's who. I get happy and proud of myself when I do things I've never done before, or when I see things I've never seen in my life. These things that I've done lately? They aren't even huge or milestone-y. They're things countless other people have done in their lives. In my mind I've never really lived. I've always taken the sheltered route, always too cautious. I want to change that now, if that's okay with you.
I'm not sure if people are negative because they're angry, or jealous, or what. I can't think of a reason why someone would not encourage somebody else to grow or try something new. I'm choosing to focus on the positive things some other people are saying instead, including how they're really happy for me that I'm finally doing things that I want to do, instead of doing things that everyone around me wants to do. They tell me I seem happier, more sure of myself. They may be right.
A couple of people have asked me what I thought about a new thing they're going to try, or a new place they're going to see, or a new adventure they're going to embark on while seeing said new place. I've always said "yes, do it", as long as their lives aren't in danger. These people, they're like me. We've done the "right" thing, by Singaporean standards. We've gone to school, got good grades, went to JC, then university, then we've landed jobs and given money back to our parents. That's the way we were taught, and that's the way we lived. A lot of us now are itching to do something more, expand our horizons a little bit.
That's great. Do it. Ignore the naysayers: if they're really your friends, they'll encourage you to grow. Say yes, think later. Then tell me how it goes.
/end rant
3 comments:
Good rant. For what it's worth, I think you're the same, only betterbetterbetter. :)
i don't get it man, only an idiot can't tell you're absolutely BURSTING WITH HAPPINESS.
please keep doing what you're doing. take risks! go on crazy ass trips! live it out! this is new Angel and she is awesomely kicking BUTT. :D
we love u dear.
:) I love you for saying that! <3
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