read elaine's blog first, so this won't look quite as cryptic.
i sincerely would like to say that for-the-love-of-all-things-good, i hope not.
but since i'm already here, and already missing out on all those wonderful things, i'm struggling to find a way, really i am.
i don't wanna lose that shop till cannot walk anymore, or coffee without having to rush off elsewhere feeling,
neither do i want to only meet for dinner/drinks/only when there's no light outside because when there is, i'm bloody handcuffed to my keyboard, and trying so hard to make that dinner/drinks/only when there's no light outside last and last until it really cannot last anymore.
it all didn't seem so large and scary at first, all these things that i'm missing out on, but suddenly, they do. and really, it sucks. like how i really wanted to carry on the night last night and head over to another friend's place for more drinks/heartpouring session but decided to go home instead because if not, i'd probably have a m-f*er of a monday morning.
like it isn't already a m-f*er of a monday morning.
but then again, its all about choices, isn't it? its all about growing up and making responsible choices, to choose work over friends, family over heart-to-heart talks with others, grocery shopping over handbag shopping.
or is it? because when push comes to shove and i'm at breaking point, i won't be surprised if i chose to have that coffee that lasts 20 hours with a close pal over running home to finish that blasted feature that was due 2 weeks ago.
does this mean i'm still immature? unable to handle stress? don't want to handover my youth to become another jaded/harsh/heartbroken/failed expectation-ed working person?
perhaps. or perhaps i just want to spend time with people who matter, and am pissed that i can't, anymore.
in anycase, i'm glad and grateful and so so appreciative that you guys still sometimes try and accomodate me. i just really miss you all, and miss the old times.